The Fine Art of Passive-Aggressive Emailing 🎭📩
Corporate emails: where one side pretends to be professional, the other side pretends to care, and passive-aggression silently referees the chaos 🤝📩… but sprinkle in a timely ‘Hello,’ an actual acknowledgment, and a response that isn’t just ‘Noted,’ and boom—you might just accidentally build human connections and workplace respect. Terrifying, right? 😱😆
Oh man, is it not fun to be a bit hassled and disorganized in your emails? 😅
We all do it. Endlessly juggling emails, trying to respond while also figuring out what is happening in our own lives. Some days, the inbox feels like a battlefield ⚔️, and yet… technically, every email is just someone following the process. (A process that makes no sense, but hey, we respect the effort.)
Now, let’s talk about the tragedy of being CC’d in emails you never needed to be a part of. There’s always that one person who believes in CC-ing half the company “just in case.” But… what if—just what if—you miss something crucial? The fear is real. Annoying, but real. 🤯
Then, there’s acknowledgment—the bare minimum of email decency. If an email is directly sent to you, responding is basic corporate survival. No “Got it,” no “Thanks”—just silence? That’s how workplace grudges are born. It’s criminal if you don’t respond. 🚔
And don’t even get me started on the "Lil Hello." Emails that launch straight into instructions without even a single greeting? Disrespectful. 😡 It takes two seconds to type “Hi XYZ,” yet some people refuse. That’s definitely rude.
The golden rule? No matter your position, rank, or level of exhaustion, always start with a greeting. It’s just basic email hygiene. 🧼✉️
Now, let’s explore the artillery of passive-aggressive politeness in corporate emails.
The True Art of Corporate Passive-Aggressiveness
Let’s set the scene: You have carefully crafted an extremely detailed email. Attachments? Added. Bullet points? Perfectly structured. Clarity? Immaculate.
You hit send. And then—you wait.
Three days later, the reply arrives:
"Can you clarify?"
Oh. OH NO. 😨
You stare at your screen, questioning all your life choices. Clarify WHAT?! You fight the urge to write back in all caps, reminding them that everything was already in the first email.
But, this is corporate life. We must maintain dignity. 🏆
So instead, we deploy passive-aggressive corporate weapon #1:
📝 "Per my last email" → Translation: "Did you even read what I sent?"
It’s the universally accepted signal for: "I already answered this, and I deeply resent having to do it again."
Of course, workplace etiquette demands a softer approach: "Just referring back to my previous email—let me know if anything is unclear!" (Translation: I know it isn’t unclear. Read it again. 😌)
The ‘Just Following Up’ Gambit
Scenario two: You’ve sent an email, clearly outlining action items, yet somehow… silence.
Maybe they ignored it. Maybe they’re "busy." Maybe they think pretending it doesn’t exist will make it disappear. 🙈
But you? You are on a deadline. ⏳
Thus begins the "Just following up on this" maneuver.
📢 "Just following up on this" → Translation: "You’re ghosting me, and I will not tolerate it."
It’s professional. It’s polite. Yet it carries the deadly undertone of: "I see you avoiding this, and I refuse to let you escape."
The longer the silence, the stronger the follow-ups:
1. First gentle nudge: "Just circling back on this—let me know if you need anything further!" 🤔
2. Second attempt: "Hi, just checking in—any updates?" 😶
3. Final straw: "Hey [Name], can you confirm if this is moving forward? We need clarity by EOD." 🚨
At this point, the recipient is either panicking, crafting excuses, or quietly forwarding your email to someone else so it becomes their problem instead. 🏃♂️💨
The ‘Let’s Circle Back’ Escape Route
Oh, this one? A masterpiece in workplace survival. 🎨
Someone presents you with a truly horrendous idea, and responding honestly might just end your professional relationship.
Enter the ultimate diplomatic retreat:
🔄 "Let’s circle back" → Translation: "I refuse to acknowledge your terrible idea right now."
It offers no commitment, no rejection—just a vague promise of future suffering.
Common variations include:
• "Let’s revisit this in a few weeks!" → Translation: We will never revisit this. ⏳
• "Let me give this some thought!" → Translation: I already have. The answer is no. 😅
• "We might want to explore alternative approaches!" → Translation: Your idea is horrendous. 🔥
Just like that, the topic is gently set aside, never to be mentioned again. 👋
Final Words of Wisdom
Corporate emails are an intricate dance—one of strategic wording, hidden frustration, and an ongoing struggle between efficiency and unnecessary politeness.
So next time you find yourself crafting a ‘Per my last email’, know that you are not alone. 🤝
We are all just trying to survive inbox warfare, one passive-aggressive phrase at a time.
Now, go forth and send emails with just the right amount of disguised irritation—just don’t forget the Lil Hello. 😉✌️
Rachana Bahel
